Dear Chrissie Hynde,

I feel for you Chrissie. I’m sorry you were hurt, I’m sorry you were raped, I’m sorry you grew up in a time where sexual violence wasn’t talked about, I’m sorry you didn’t receive the support you need, I’m sorry you didn’t get that justice and I am sorry you still blame yourself and in denial about what happened.

You were hurt in one of the worst ways and it is completely understandable to blame yourself. Every victim of sexual violence blames themselves. They question themselves. They ask would they could have done differently, why did they do this and that and society blames the victim too. Every time you see an article in the news. A woman was dragged from her car and raped in a bush by a stranger. People questioned her and why she didn’t have her car doors locked. When a drunk girl is raped, they ask why she drank so much. When a victim has been out late and is raped at 2am, they ask why the person was out at such a ridiculous time and putting themselves in that position. Yet a drunk, half naked man can walk through a dark alley at 2am and if beaten up, they aren’t questioned why they were drunk, out at that time or why they’ve done this to themselves so rape crimes should be no difference however that is what our society does and that is what our society did to you.

You are not to blame for what happened to you. You could have been naked, half naked, fully clothed or in a nuns outfit, no one had the right to hurt you. You could be drunk or high or whatever you’d taken and still no one had the right to touch you.

What you said to the media was about your rape and your experience is up to you and we should feel sorry for you that you feel that way about what you went through because you shouldn’t blame yourself. When you got a backlash, you then turned what you said about your experiences on to other people. You did then tell victims that when playing with fire they will get burnt. You, as a victim, have every right to blame yourself. I blamed myself for a really long time and it was tough and that is what we as victims do. As survivors, we stop blaming ourselves and blame the person or people who hurt us. You can not blame other victims though and I don’t just tell you this, I nag everyone I come across blaming victims that it is not acceptable.

No matter what you do as a human being, you do not deserve to be raped or sexually assaulted. It is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong and those who blame the victim and not the rapist are people who we should be educating.

What is this world coming to?

Why do people say ‘what is this world coming to?’ When they refer to rape? There always has been rape in this world, there was just a time when the victim wouldn’t have been believed. We talk about sexual violence more these days which is amazing and we need to keep on talking about it.

One of my favourite films is Pans Labyrinth which is set in a fascist part of Spain in 1944. A time where men were in charge, where you did as your husband said. If he wanted sex tonight, he’d get it. There was a mentality that marital rape was acceptable because you are married and must be in love.

Go back to before world war 2 and it’s such a mans world. Woman and children were heard and not seen. Woman stayed home, raised the children and did housework whilst their husbands worked.

If a house wife was raped she kept it to herself because she’s just cheated. SHE cheated on her husband and she’d be in serious trouble for causing another man to rape her. This is where victim blaming comes from and those who victim blame now are stuck back centuries!

I’m not going to give you a full history lesson but people mustn’t forget rape has always happened, just only recently can we discuss it.

Foreigners

ITV News have reported about a woman dragged from her car and raped. Queue everyone jumping to ‘must be a foreigner’ and in this case he was so queue all the foreign comments and how it’s always them who rape. Not all rapists are foreign and not all foreigners are rapists. Ok so my reply might sound a little harsh but there were so many racist comments and it winds me. This comment below said “why can’t foreigners leave us girls alone for gods sake bet they don’t do it to there community’s”

In India two sisters are being sentenced to rape for a crime their brother committed.

There are crimes such as rape happening everywhere, by all kinds of people. I know someone who was attacked by a foreigner. I was attacked by a white English idiot.

Admittedly if you look into majority of the sexual exploitation cases, they usually are foreign, not always but usually.

But that doesn’t mean all foreigners are bad. A lot come to England, pay tax, buy a house and work harder than a lot of us do.

People on these reports go on about how we need to get rid of all these foreigners. Ok. I’m not huge on politics and how that would all work and what might change but it wouldn’t mean all of a sudden rape never happens in this country. It’s always going to happen sadly. I can dream of a world where we are safe but that’s as far as it will go.

Grateful

Sometimes, and only sometimes, I am grateful for what happened to me because it has opened my eyes to what kind of world we live in, that I was blind to.

It has given me a chance to help other people and the future holds this too, a chance to help more.

I have grown as a person. I feel stronger and more understanding.

That will never take away the pain it caused but it helps to accept and find closure.

For me, counselling won’t change it, therapy won’t help me, psychologist won’t cure me. For me, the only way I can come to terms is by helping others and showing them they are not alone.

There are too many stigmas, misconceptions and stereotypes on rape. The justice system has some old fashioned ways too. If one person can stand up and help, then two people can, then three. Slowly more and more will feel brave enough to make a stand and then we can be noticed and heard and things can change.

Janet Street-Porter

Janet Street-Porter was on Loose Women this Tuesday the 1st September. And she quotes what she said in the Daily Mail… Here is what she said in the Daily Mail about rape.

“She was 21 and admits she’d taken drugs when she made the stupid decision to hang out with a gang of Hells Angels who ended up attacking her. We all make mistakes in our lives — but few women have the guts to own up.

Chrissie is right: women should think very carefully about unnecessarily placing themselves in dangerous situations when they could be at risk.

Female journalists have been attacked and sexually assaulted during freedom protests in Egypt. Women workers in India have been raped on public transport.

In these instances, women were simply trying to do their job and men must take 100 per cent of the blame for rape and sexual assault. But when you see — as I did last year on the streets of Glasgow at 10pm on a Friday — a drunken young woman lying senseless outside a city centre bar, her dress up around her waist, being photographed by laughing passers-by, you have to wonder if Chrissie doesn’t have a point.”

For a writer, she’s not great at writing and doesn’t make her point entirely clear however she is saying it is the rapists fault BUT it is still partly the victims fault and Chrissies fault in her situation.

Yesterday’s Facebook Post

It’s been such an exciting day!

Loose Women announced on national television that if you are raped when you are drunk or not dressed properly, it is your fault. They held a poll on their website where it revealed that 12.15% of people who took the poll said it can be the victims fault. The debate they had this morning on TV was disgusting. There is a massive outrage on Twitter about it all and I got involved, of course, and Loose Women have officially blocked me from Twitter because I had complained about them to Ofcom and was sharing the link around for others to complain too. I told them a few times about how it’s never the victims fault. I’m not sorry for anything I have said to them. I was not rude at any point. It is not my fault the ladies that were debating and blaming victims are rape apologists and that is vile in my opinion.

Rape is never the victims fault.

Blame

At 15 years old I was assaulted by two boys. I was told by someone I knew that it was my fault for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t me they were out to get but it just happened to be me for being in the wrong place, wrong time.

I was told it was my fault for i’m upset as i’m the one who kicked up a fuss and threw it out of proportion. If I got over it, i’d be fine but I’m being a drama queen because what they did wasn’t that bad.

No matter your experience, whether it’s assault, rape, exploitation, forced oral, vaginal or anal or whatever you may have faced – it is NOT your fault. I wasn’t in the wrong place because I was walking to my locker after a lesson, if I wasn’t there then i’d have been in the wrong place.

You can’t believe everything people say because there are ignorant people out that who speak before they think.

And NEVER let someone make your experience something little. If you have been hurt, you have been hurt. You can’t make it small and insignificant because it is significant and wrong, immoral and illegal. You can never put down something like that.

You matter. As a person, you matter. There will be people who care and want to help. Let them if you can. Remember too, you are not alone.

Tea or sex…

Do you want to have sex? No? Okay! Let’s watch a film then or I’ll take you home. Whatever you prefer.

Want a cup of tea? No? Okay! Can I get you anything else? No? Fine then smile emoticon

Simples. You wouldn’t force someone to down a cup of boiling tea. When someone says no to a drink; you listen. Why is sex any different?

Survivors speak out in sexual violence conference video…

(And yes, i’m in it!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KfEGL4mArM

^ link to the video.

Speakers are survivors of grooming, child abuse, rape from a family member, relationship rape and acquaintance rape.

Also Police commissioners, officers, Rape Crisis staff and ISVAs

1 in 4

1 in 4 people are victims or survivors of sexual violence.

How many people are in your family? 4? 5?

How many friends do you have? 7? 8?

How many cousins do you have?

How many people live in your road?

Let that sink in… 1 in 4.